Dear Uncle Tom,
How do you do it? You have been beated, bruised, threatened, scarred, cut up, ripped apart form all family and everyone you loved; and yet in the very face of Hell itself, you are kind, loving, compassionate and obediant! How do you maintain that sense of trust in God and in His words? The Bible? Please help me! I cannot get this weight of not knowing off my shoulders.
Pray tell where has my daughter Eva gone to? She spoke of Heaven and of good things there. She spoke of the love that a loving God had for me and for all His children. Only I feel so guilty that I don't know whether I'm worthy of such a love that could, (and I quote Eva), "...consume all fear, and comfort every quaking heart...that could right all wrongs and heal all wounds..." Eva's death is what prompted these feelings and I have to know for myself whether they are true for ME, or not.
Mother used to talk of such things. She used to speak of a Savior that redeemed all mankind and that through Him and His sacrifice one might be saved if he would only forget his sins and cleave unto the Lord. But HOW! How do I repent?
I feel a deep, all-consuming guilt hanging about me. Not about what I've done, but what I haven't done. With all the money and riches, the influence and power that I have, I might have done something good in the world. I only hope that it is not too late. I want to so something good and make up for the things that I have done wrong or the good that I could have done but didn't. However, I know nothing will replace the years I have lost. I only hope I don't lose any more.
Some say I should go to a preacher or a pastor, a preist with such deep unreconsiled feelings but I feel they don't know the truth for themselves yet either. I don't quite feel that they could help me as I belive you could. You see Uncle Tom, the preachers that claim to know God or claim to know the Bible are hipocritical in every form of the word. They teach that God loves all men and that we should, "...love our neighbors as ourselves..., " but then they go home after the Sunday sermon and beat the living soul out of their slaves. I quote the words of the God of whom they say is on their side, "...they draw near unto me with their lips but their hearts are far from me, they teach for doctrines the commandments of men, having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof..." This describes the Pastors that I am able to seek help from. Do you wonder now why I come to you, a humble and lowly servant and not some high rised userper, for help with my innermost and deepest feelings? (and they wonder why I never went to church)
I am seeking the truth, Tom. Oh please help me. Tom...Tom I have one more favor to ask of you...Could you teach me to ...pray? Oh Tom how I wish you were here.
With deepest love and adoration,
your humble friend, St. Clare
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